OK. So this time there can be no excuses about the bad weather, as a dry, warm and sunny day does not count as bad weather. Nor can we complain about the condition of the pitch. Having a perfectly flat modern astroturf surface it would be hard to blame the pitch for anything in the game. However, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing to moan about.
The signposting to the ground was absolutely crap. We drove past an old farmhouse bearing a broken old sign with the word ‘Sportpla...’ on it which, apart from a young lad that looked like Bayern Munich’s Phillip Lahm posted there to give vague directions, was the only signage we saw for the next six minutes of walking through Neumarkt. Until we reached another one of these blokes with a arbitrarily coloured bib who told us to go ‘over to the colourful house – up the steps – along the windy path – down the lane – into the trees’... like one of those children’s novels where you come out of the forest and find yourself in Narnia, faced by mythical creatures and trolls.
I’m bullshitting a bit, but the funny thing is, there are supposed to be separate fan sectors, but what is the point if you have to send the away fans past the locals to get to their sector? I honestly wonder what some clubs do to get a license to hold their games in these fairytale villages more suited to a Rosamunde Pilcher Sunday tear-jerker than a raucous, beery clash of the titans.
As expected, we were greeted by more coloured bibs and private security staff who were, nevertheless, very friendly. However, you can be as friendly as you want but if you separate the fans from the pitch with these heavy, solid 2-metre-high building site fence elements, then at least have the brains not to cover them with your sponsors’ banners. All well and good; you want your sponsors to be seen, but if nobody can see past the banners, then it’s a bit self defeating – innit?
After the covered fencing there was about 15 metres of waist height hoarding followed by another block of covered fencing, which meant that the sector for the majority of our fan block of about +/-600 people was a approximately 50 metres long – at pitch level. So unless you were standing right at the front, you couldn’t see anything at all. Come on! Even Obertrum and Bergheim went to the trouble of piling up pallets into a series of steps to facilitate a better view. You can’t take 6 Euros and offer nothing.
The alternative, set back into the hillside were approximately 100 plastic flip-seats, not exactly elevated to see anything on the pitch with the mob in front of you. Perhaps it’s not fair to expect a seat to take the weight of a 120kg teenager (yes, we’ve got them in Austria too), but the plastic had seen more UV radiation than a Japanese fish and what may have been stiff plastic seats 20 years ago, were now more like rubber flippers and we saw three or four people take nasty falls after stepping on the seating.
Another thing I noticed was that the pitch was right up to the edge of the hoarding and the clubhouse at the other side. That can’t be permitted, as a player cannot be expected to leave out a tackle or a header for fear of crashing into a baby in a pram, or breaking his hips on a building site fence. I also don’t believe I have seen a smaller pitch in my life.
As far as the game was concerned, even those of us near the top of the plasticine seating could only see about 30-40% of the pitch. What with the sunshine , the bad view and the subdued atmosphere, it was more fun peering over Irmi’s shoulders into her seemingly never-ending cleavage, than straining to see the game. Boom. 18 minutes. Vujic. 1-0 for us. Didn’t see it of course; like most of the game. It was like my first Wembley rugby league final (Leeds vs St Helens 1978) in the terraces behind the posts at the age of 12. All you can see is backs, heads, flags and somewhere beyond the occasional flash of colour.
Half time. Beer. Pi**. Chat. Myself and Christian figured we’d try to get a better view at the fencing. Bollocks. Couldn’t see anything. Before we’d got past the first set of hoardings it was already 1-1. By the time we’d decided to go back to the crap plastic seating the ref had already sent off his first player, Stöckl, for the day. All I could hear were the questions ‘did you see what happened?’ and ‘what was that for?’. Still, good for us. Then it got even sillier. A red card for Kreuzer and Neumarkt were down to 9 men on 56 minutes. After 60 minutes the party was in full swing as our MC for the evening, Mr Christian Struz, pulled out another red for Ortner – ‘Did anybody see it?’ and it was 11 Austria Salzburg players against 8 Neumarkt players – but on the smallest pitch in the world in the magic garden of Neumarkt.
So, of course, with the game laid on a silver platter for us it was only a question of when the goals would start raining in..................................65 minutes (still 1-1)...........70 mins.............75 mins.....79 mins...Neumarkt even manage to break out for a counter attack, but on a subbuteo table the goals are only 90 cm apart so Oliver Schmidt had to make a quick decision to remove Neumarkt’s striker’s legs. Which one? Don’t know. Couldn’t see. This was a gigantic blow to our chances because now we were down to 10 men (against 8). Nevertheless, we continued to panic and shoot over the bar, past the post, into the goalie’s hand, pass into touch and generally make the impossible dream come true in the magic garden. 80 mins......(still 1-1)......85.......86......87.......88.......89........and we guessed taht with so many injuries and red cards there’s have to be at least 3 minutes of time added on....................90 mins. PEEP! Bollocks.
Seekirchen and Neumarkt were supposed to be the games where we pulled away from the mid-table rivals and showed everybody who would be the force to reckon with next year. From a possible 9 points – we’ve taken 3. However, with nothing to gain or lose we can concentrate on the most important task of the year........
The perfect ending to this season IN MY OPINION would be for Neumarkt and Seekirchen to stay up and for us to send Union Innsbruck down by thrashing them at our place.
Roger
TSV Neumarkt - SV Austria Salzburg 1-1 (0-1)
Austria Salzburg played with:
Trappl; Kreuzwirth, Sonko, Oberauer (19. Schmidt), Hirsch; Urbanek, Borozni (57. Reifeltshammer), Mayer, Federer (67. Wührer), Pavlovic; Vujic
Goals:
0-1: Vujic (18.) (Assist: Kreuzwirth)
1-1: Vasilj (48.)
Shots total: Neumarkt 7 / Austria 26
Shots on target: Neumarkt 5 / Austria 5
Shots blocked: Neumarkt 0 / Austria 5
Corners: Neumarkt 0 / Austria 2
Fouls: Neumarkt 25 / Austria 15
Offsides: Neumarkt 7 / Austria 0
Yellow cards:
Neumarkt: 3 (Stöckl, 45. +1/foul; Pocev, 51./unsporting behaviour; Madlmayr, 74./unsporting behaviour)
Austria: 0
Yellow/red:
Neumarkt: 1 (Stöckl, 51./unsporting behaviour)
Austria: 0
Red cards:
Neumarkt: 2 (Kreuzer, 56./foul; Ortner, 60./foul)
Austria: 1 (Schmidt, 79./foul)
Neumarkt, 1200 spectators
Ref: Christian Struz; Assistants: Gerhard Freidl, Wolfgang Prem
