SG ASK/Polizei SV is a rump team made up of two clubs nobody wants to see, so when Austria Salzburg offered the management of the playing facilities in Maxglan a fighting chance of financial survival instead of an under-booked indoor tennis hall and a football team attracting a handful of grumpy senior citizens, the football team had to seek another venue to continue shadow boxing. Add to that the other half; the PSV police team that uncooperatively cooperated with the newly founded Austria Salzburg for 6 months or so until they were assured of not being relegated, then failed to admit the Austria members to an important vote on the future of the joint venture, ultimately leading to the completely new founding of Austria Salzburg in the lowest and most miserable division Austrian football has to offer.
As they say, revenge is a dish best served cold! With the weather bobbing up and down between 10 and 20°c, sunny and cloudy, I had exactly the wrong things on to feel comfortable. When it got chilly, I got chilly; when the sun came out, I was too hot. At first glance the pitch didn’t look that bad, but as we were guided to the gate in the fence it was like an episode of one of those stupid Japanese endurance and embarrassment shows; the first hurdle being to navigate the mud bath without ruining your shoes. The mud bath then led to a grassy slope, to a big dyke-like mound of earth along one side of the pitch, which was given the rather regal title of ‘Austria Fan Sector’.
Nevertheless, there was a good view from the mound and enough room to move around without ploughing through the masses. I headed for the drinks stall at the bottom of the dyke and purchased a pint of my favourite barley and malt beverage and mingled with the masses. On the opposite side of the pitch was the result of the pointless investment of taxpayers’ money in a space age corrugated aluminium clubhouse that looks like a spaceship from the old Flash Gordon films on War of the Worlds stilts. Must have cost them a fortune to build, but with the millions coming in from the massive gates of 150 spectators at home games, the investment may well have paid for itself by the year 2350 AD.
As the game got underway it became clear the pitch was what one might call ‘heavy’ and ‘uneven’. Obviously, the conditions are the same for both teams, but equally obviously teams that play on such pitches develop a style of play to suit a pitch, which usually means passing is an airborne activity – lobs, chips, high, balls, and headers. Although Austria Salzburg dominated the first ten minutes there was a lot of time wasted second-touching the ball to get it under control and it doesn’t exactly reflect well on the ASK/PSV players when I tell you that they didn’t seem to have a plan at all. If we were a bit untidy, they were just crap.
There were a couple of moments when the home team might have broken behind our defence on a good day, but a well timed shout of ‘offside’ had the world’s youngest linesman jabbing his flag in the air. A baptism of fire indeed for young Michael Wirnsberger who was probably given one of those ‘a rock or a hard place’ choices: Would you like to referee the line next to the Austria fans or next to the away fans. I wonder if it’s the same Michael Wirnsberger who is registered with FC Hallein 04. Mmmh!
Anyway, we spent around 70% of the game in the opponents half but somehow the shots kept dribbling off wide, or over, or the crosses skidded over heads; so it was fitting when what looked like a high and hopeful looping cross caught the goalie off guard, and before we knew it butterfingers had bundled the ball into his own net. Still they all count and we weren’t complaining. A deserved 1-0 and having seen just what ASK/PSV were not capable of, nobody really feared the game could turn. And it didn’t.
Although the pitch and the game itself weren’t exactly class acts, it was pleasant enough standing up on the hill in the weak sunshine and watching Austria dominate the game without ever shining. Another 20 minutes of the same were followed by an example of why Mario Schleindl is still getting games, although three years ago some of us were already predicting it would be his last season. Running on to a through ball Mario used his strength and speed to hold off the defender and slotted home, left-footed I believe, beyond the flailing and luckless keeper to make it 2-0; a score that better reflected the balance of play.
In the category of unsung heroes I have to mention Mario Milic, whose speed and elasticity get us out of jail week for week, and yesterday there were a couple of incidents when it was his alertness and agility that stopped us from looking silly at the back. Without any heroics I still felt Robert Oberhauser played a good, solid game at the back, the worst thing about him being a haircut that reminds me of Spandau Ballet, and nobody wants to be reminded of Spandau Ballet. But before we solve the big hair problems we should ask Mario Schleindl to talk to Bernd Winkler about his coiffeuristic options.
At long last our little Jesus, Lubo Neubauer, seems to be on the mend and was brought on for Toni Feldinger at the start of the second half. Although the game didn’t exactly set alight, there was better movement of the ball and the home team seemed not to be able to string together more than four passes in a row. In fact, apart from a few scuffed half chances for the forces of the law, it was all Austria Salzburg. On 51 minutes Nico Mayer made it 3-0 and ASK/PSV seemed to be stuck in ‘test mode’ just going through the motions.
Cavic was brought on for Schleindl and apart from 3 substitutions and a further 2 yellow cards, ASK/PSV weren’t able to contribute anything to the game. On 76 minutes Heli Rottensteiner made it 4-0 and the only entertainment left in the afternoon was the amazement at how long the people responsible for the digital scoreboard needed to alter the score. Rottensteiner off – Pecaranin on. Ladies’ team now!
On 82 minutes Zarko Cavic made it 5-0 and we began to harbouring paranoid speculation about why the scoreboard showed 4-0 for about six minutes as inducing a pitch invasion would have been the only way of robbing us of the three points. Maybe they use slow electricity or maybe they have to run out of their expensive clubhouse, climb up the framework and change the scores manually. I think the referee was too busy playing cards to notice as on 85 minutes Mario Jelecevic collected a yellow for mouthing off to the ref, followed by a second yellow card for Lukas Buchner, putting the home team down to ten men for the last five minutes. One last trump for the ref on 89 minutes and Martin Kirchschlager saw a straight red for criticism, and to round things off the remaining nine ASK/PSV players could only watch in despair as Bernd Winkler got his second to complete a drubbing that could easily have gone into double figures as the afternoon became increasingly chilly.
As I said, revenge is a dish best served cold!
All the best,
Roger Lord
SG ASK/PSV Salzburg - SV Austria Salzburg 0-6 (0-2)
Austria Salzburg played with:
Huber; Urbanek, Schmidt, Milic, Oberhauser; Mayer, Rottensteiner (80. Pecaranin), Federer, Feldinger (46. Neubauer); Winkler, Schleindl (53. Cavic)
Goals:
0-1: Winkler (25.)
0-2: Schleindl (44.) (Assist: Rottensteiner)
0-3: Mayer (51.) (Assist: Neubauer)
0-4: Rottensteiner (76.) (Assist: Federer)
0-5: Cavic (82.)
0-6: Winkler (89.) (Assist: Cavic)
Shots total: ASK/PSV 6 / Austria 24
Shots on goal: ASK/PSV 0 / Austria 13
Shots blocked: ASK/PSV 3 / Austria 4
Corners: ASK/PSV 6 / Austria 7
Fouls: ASK/PSV 18 / Austria 27
Offsides: ASK/PSV 7 / Austria 1
Yellow cards:
ASK/PSV: 4 (Buchner, 43./foul; Sejdinovic, 57./foul; Huseinovic, 70./unsporting behaviour; Jelecevic, 85./criticism)
Austria: 0
Yellow-red cards:
ASK/PSV: 1 (Buchner, 85./unsporting behaviour)
Austria: 0
Red cards:
ASK/PSV: 1 (Kirchschlager, 89./criticism)
Austria: 0
Salzburg-Frohnburgweg / PSV Sportzentrum, 700 spectators
Ref: Mario Weghofer; Assistants: Erich Hirschbichler, Michael Wirnsberger
