In the autumn the game against FC Pinzgau in Saalfelden was days when the city boys drive out to the countryside to be beaten and laughed at by the sneaky farmers. We are from the city and have hot water, electricity, mobile iPhones, cars, televisions, democracy and pot bellies – you are farmers from the countryside and all you have are tractors. And the Octocopter! Unfortunately, this technological advance - a remote control helicopter with enough power to carry a football (f*** me rigid) – was enough to break our concentration and we lost the game in Saalfelden quite convincingly.
However, this time the FC Pinzgau ultras had come without their secret weapon, and instead they had obviously dug out one of those blaring horn contraptions designed to make basically unfunny people appear interesting and amusing. The sounds they make were last heard in the era when European Cup games involved teams like St Etienne and Feyenoord. Weird isn’t it that the last time I whinged about a silly noise machine was at the away game in Maria Alm two years ago. I reckon there’s a bloke out there who somehow survived the late 60s on a world record drug high and had the hitherto untested idea of founding his own silly noise machine company. I presume this bloke is responsible for a number of mad inventions – silly noise machines, octocopters, plastic cows, betamax video recorders, power napping, space hoppers, Bowen massages, astrology, caffeine-free coffee and alcohol-free beer.
Tom Hofer, being experienced in the eccentricities of visiting fans from the countryside and their silly machines, must have built this into his team talk. ‘Do not look for the octocopter. Concentrate on the game!’ ‘Do not be put off by silly horns. Concentrate on the game!’ – Which they did. From the off we looked like we were concentrating. Having won the Premier League and Champions League a million times on EA Sports, I know how to put together a good team with a strong backbone. Now, with Milosevic at the back and Schriebl in midfield, who are prepared to risk their lives going into hard tackles without automatically begging for a yellow card. You can hear the crunches, but they are clean crunches. Milosevic kept an overview of the back allowing Hirsch more creativity and the more I watch Schriebl, the more I realise what a crap player I am. He has an excellent first touch and a goad eye for openings, and is not afraid of going into tackles.
A bit like against St Johann, in the first quarter of an hour FC Pinzgau came at us hoping to get a goal they could sit back on, but we worked really hard on getting the ball and managed to break down a lot of their attacks in the middle of the park. Our first big chance came on 13 minutes when Vujic almost headed in, and his follow-up was blocked by the goalie. You could see, player for player we were a bit better, but Pinzgau play a lot of these four or five pass ping-pong combinations and if you’re not prepared to chase the ball, they will be at you.
However, we were prepared to chase the ball and break down attacks and we played a lot of clever system football. Do the right things enough of the time and good things will happen to you. On 20 minutes Florian Hirsch put us ahead and, also like in the game against St Johann, it didn’t feel like it was a false dawn. We didn’t change the system or get nervous; we just kept playing fast-moving passes and had the balance of play ending the first half 1-0 up, the break being greeted with some more silly machine wailing, but when you’re winning you don’t get phased.
In the second half we were 2-0 up after ten minutes thanks to who else – MV, but then we let things slip a bit and on 68 minutes Pinzgau were back in it again at 2-1, accompanied of course by the silly noise machine. Silly noise machines are funny once. After that they are, if you are incredibly drunk or incredibly stoned, increasingly hilarious or, if you are not drunk or stoned, just irritating. Like a drunk at a party that keeps farting. Actually if I’m drunk at a party, I am usually that bloke, so as far as farting, drinking and parties are concerned – I know what I’m talking about.
On 70 minutes Dusan’s tired little legs were replaced by young Stefan Federer, whose presence was made felt after 86 minutes as he netted to put the game out of reach of a Pinzgau team now reduced to ten men. Lots of cheering on our side, no more silly honking from the travelling support; either of them. Full time, 3-1 to us and without doing anything spectacular we are now picking up points again. The games we won with 25% more adrenaline last year, we are now winning with 25% more brains and discipline this year. No horns, no Octocopters, no gimmicks!
See you in Wals
Roge
SV Austria Salzburg - FC Pinzgau Saalfelden 3-1 (1-0)
Austria Salzburg played with:
Huber; Kreuzwirth (65. Urbanek), Milosevic, Hirsch, Kircher; Rajic, Schriebl (78. Seidl), Reifeltshammer, Mayer, Pavlovic (70. Federer); Vujic
Goals:
1-0: Hirsch (21.) (Assist: Mayer; Ecke)
2-0: Vujic (55.) (Assist: Mayer)
2-1: Fabian (68.)
3-1: Federer (Assist: Mayer)
Shots total: Austria 14 / Saalfelden 13
Shots on target: Austria 5 / Saalfelden 4
Shots blocked: Austria 2 / Saalfelden 2
Corners: Austria 2 / Saalfelden 3
Fouls: Austria 19 / Saalfelden 18
Offsides: Austria 9 / Saalfelden 2
Yellow cards:
Austria: 0
Saalfelden: 2 (Unterberger, 54./foul; Müllauer, 86./foul)
Yellow/red:
Austria: 0
Saalfelden: 1 (Unterberger, 87./foul)
Salzburg-Maxglan, MyPhone-Austria-Stadion, 1070 spectators
Ref: Franz Maislinger; Assistants: Wolfram Aufschnaiter, Mario Schober
